Authored by Mike McDaniel via AmericanThinker.com,
I’ve been a bicyclist all my life, but because I came to serious road racing late in life, I never had the opportunity to be competitive. Oh, I had a few good bikes and wore the required attire, but I was never going to make the medal stand.
I did ride with enough serious riders to understand their compulsions. Among them was doing whatever was necessary to shave every gram of weight possible off their trusty steeds and to make them, and themselves, more aerodynamic. Shaving the legs was mandatory, but I never participated in that ritual. The seconds that might save weren’t going to make any difference for me, nor would drilling holes in this or that component.
If you know the jargon, those were the days when shifters were mounted on downtubes, and carbon fiber was in its infancy. It consisted of round frame tubes glued into metal fittings. Ten-gear cassettes and single chainrings were the hot setup. That dates me, doesn’t it?
Much has changed since those years. Frames can now be entirely made of carbon fiber and tuned for specific kinds of races.
Everything is lighter and stronger, and computer technology has made it possible to fine-tune bike and rider to an amazing degree—particularly female riders’ breasts. Breasts?! Breasts:
Something strange is happening at the Tour de France Femmes this year.
Several women’s WorldTeams have come forward claiming that some riders are padding their bras during time trials to gain an aerodynamic edge.
The Dutch website Wielerflits broke the story after hearing from multiple teams. The complaint is that certain cyclists are using extra padding to make their chests appear larger. In the low, aggressive position of a time trial, a rounder chest can act like a “fairing,” smoothing the air and reducing drag.
Oh, come on. This has to be The Babylon Bee, right? Nope. It, and the breasts, are the real thing:
Graphic: X Post
… aerodynamics expert Bert Blocken has studied the idea. (Uh-huh. I’m sure he did).
Hey! You don’t want to be a science denier, do you?
His research found that a proper chest fairing can cut air resistance by as much as 3.6 percent. In a race that often comes down to seconds, that kind of gain is not nothing. Over 20 or 30 kilometers, it could easily decide a stage.
That’s exactly why riders strain to do whatever they can to get that kind of advantage. Races are often won by fractions of a second, and a 3.6% aero advantage translates to double-digit seconds over longer races. That’s a substantial win, particularly in a time trial.
Due to a law enforcement neck injury, my bike racing days are over. I can’t get on the drops (the lower portion of road bike handlebars)—it’s a pain in the neck–so I ride recumbents. You never see them in sanctioned bike races because while they’re heavier than the lightest road bikes, they also have a 10-15% aerodynamic advantage, so they’re banned.
The timing of the accusations is pretty interesting. They surfaced just as the race produced one of its most memorable moments — the longest solo breakaway victory in the history of the Tour de France Femmes on Stage 3. Officials have been quick to note there is no evidence a padded bra had anything to do with that result.
In bike racing, the tiniest technical detail and rule is usually rigorously observed. Obviously, they’re taking breasts seriously, which is always wise.
Still, the story has put the entire field on notice. Extra clothing inspections are now expected ahead of the next time trial. Bra inspections. Unbelievable.
Graphic: X Post
It should be pretty easy to spot padding.
Female riders tend to be among the leanest female athletes in the world with very low body fat percentages, which means less – ahem – prominent breasts.
I also suspect the line to volunteer for that duty will be long indeed. It’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it for the purity of sport and the sanctity of science.
Being male and having decades of experience with observing and judging breasts, I’m uniquely qualified. Where do I apply?
