This article is part of Upstream, The Daily Wire’s new home for culture and lifestyle. Real human insight and human stories — from our featured writers to you.
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For those who spend far too much time on social media, there is no greater achievement than “going viral.” Not the bad kind of viral — with all the coughing and sores and two-weeks-to-slow-the-spread — but the kind that feeds that insatiable little narcissist inside each of our online personas.
Sometimes, these viral moments are predictable, but sometimes they come from the most seemingly innocuous expressions of obvious truth. A few weeks ago, I experienced just that, even making it into the hallowed “Today’s News” section on the hellscape that is X (formerly known as Twitter). The headline: “New Dad’s Post on Childless Parenting Advice Resonates Widely.” Mission accomplished! After all, who doesn’t dream of resonating widely?
What was this post? “Having a baby will make you realize how insanely hilarious it is when childless people give out parenting advice.”
Generally, unsolicited advice is annoying, but when it’s coming from someone who has never had a child, and they’re lecturing you on how to do your job, it’s a whole other level of ridiculousness. I was never one to hand out unsolicited parenting advice either before or after having a baby, but it was only after having a baby that I realized — since parenthood triggers an onslaught of constant unsolicited advice from everyone you meet, everyday, forever — quite how absurd this particular social quirk is.
Before having children, I must admit that I had too many internal thoughts on the parenting of others. I’m not talking about the baseline requirements of parenting — feeding your child, clothing your child, and making sure your child doesn’t wander off into the woods to be eaten by wolves — since these fall into legal observations rather than parenting styles. No, I’m talking about the low-level judgments that slip from our consciousness without a moment’s hesitation before we have any idea what we’re talking about.
Outside of the aforementioned baseline, no one has the right to judge anyone else’s parenting, let alone someone who has never had children, and let alone shared in the form of an all-too-familiar passive aggressive “here’s an idea.” When my wife and I have been up since 4 in the morning, our baby has launched both breakfast, lunch, and dinner in every direction except his mouth; and we’ve battled the dreaded blowout while in traffic. The random childless stranger at the supermarket is simply not equipped to solve the problem demonstrated by their tiny and brief window into our lives.
And I challenge you to find a parent out there who disagrees.
But what I found really interesting about my post was the range of negative reactions (both online and offline) from people who didn’t have children. While most parents agreed — because it was obviously true — there were some who were clearly offended by the notion that childlessness is an indication of ignorance in the realm of raising children.
It’s not like this logic applies anywhere else, of course. Imagine hiring a penniless financial advisor, or a blind traffic warden, or pre-Ozempic Lizzo as your personal trainer. But when it comes to parenting, apparently everyone has some thoughts that we simply must take seriously.
There were some who liken parenting human children to owning a pet. I have a cat that I love almost as much as my wife, but the idea that taking care of a feline is the same as a human being is frankly insane. There are some who pretend that opposing illegal acts of abuse is the same as parenting, which enforces a depressingly low bar for what parenting means. And then there are some who think child-related workers (most notably teachers) are equipped to give parenting advice. Sorry, no.
Most teachers are undeniably wonderful people who have dedicated themselves to the betterment of our society by helping to mold the next generation, forming a crucial element of their students’ lives. But that’s not the same as parenting. Teaching is hard and tiring. But teachers get paid, teachers have a limited scope of expectations, and teachers get to go home at the end of the workday. Unless you’re a single mother or an illegal immigrant in a socialist country, no one is paying parents to be a parent.
Yes, parents are responsible in the context of education and basic safety and classroom temperament, but parents are responsible for every element of their children’s lives, including their education. When a mom drops little Jimmy off at kindergarten, it’s not like she’s suddenly free of responsibility, and is therefore free to fly to Las Vegas for the afternoon and channel her inner Hunter Biden.
And there is no end of the day for parents. Even teachers with a difficult student are free of this burden when summer rolls around. When your “parenting” is for several hours a day for several months a year, it’s not parenting. It’s a job. Also, when there are potentially dozens of children in each classroom, a teacher’s advice might be more applicable to chimpanzee crowd control workers at your nearby zoo than the parenting of an individual child whose needs, desires, and personality is unique.
But in the end, a simple and tautological fact remains: no one but the parents are parents. No one else created the child, only the mother gave birth to the child, and the parents have a duty to be there for their child in every moment God gives them. That’s not a complaint — the responsibility of parenthood is the most awesome and magical experience imaginable — but it is the reality.
One particular comment by a childless kindergarten teacher really stood out to me, as she criticized poor parents and noted that children are “not property with which the parents can do as they please.” No human being can be property, of course, but children do belong to their parents. And as every parent will attest, anyone who comes within a thousand feet of interfering with my family — let alone taking any form of control — is in for a rude awakening.
And parents, unlike childless teachers, are used to rude awakenings. I was woken up at two in the morning by a baby who was not only kicking me in the face but laughing about it.
Childless-givers of unsolicited advice: You and I are not the same.
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Ian Haworth is a syndicated columnist. You can find his work on Substack.
