By Laramie Minga, Op-ed contributor
You noticed something at church. Maybe it was the order of the service, the length of the sermons, the songs chosen for worship, or a ministry you think should exist. You prayed about it, thought it through, and respectfully shared it with one of your pastors. He thanked you, asked a few questions, and seemed to take you seriously.
And then nothing changed.
Weeks pass, and the service order looks the same. The sermons are no shorter. The song selection doesn’t budge. The ministry doesn’t launch. What should you conclude?
Two flawed conclusions
In that moment it’s easy to land in one of two places, and both miss the mark.
The first conclusion is discouragement: “My pastors don’t really listen to me,” or “there’s no point in sharing anything with the pastors — it never goes anywhere.” It’s the humbler error of the two — it doesn’t demand its own way — but it’s still flawed because it confuses listening with implementing. Your pastors may have heard you carefully, weighed what you said, and concluded that the church should stay its course. That is not a failure to listen. It’s the outcome of listening.
The second conclusion is pride: “They should have done what I said.” Rarely does anyone state it that bluntly, but the sentiment shows up in frustration, in withheld enthusiasm, in hallway conversations that recruit others to their cause. Underneath is the assumption that sharing an opinion obligates the pastors to act on it — that counsel offered is counsel owed a certain response.
Scripture never grants that assumption to anyone, member or pastor.
There is a better way to think about this, and it requires understanding both what your counsel is and what the pastoral office is.
Members, share freely and trust fully
First, let’s be clear: church members should absolutely share their thoughts, concerns, and counsel with their pastors. Proverbs commends an abundance of counselors (Prov 11:14; 15:22), and pastors are not exempt from its wisdom. A congregation full of members who have concluded that speaking up is pointless is a congregation drifting toward disengagement, and that helps no one.
But when you share, weigh the scales honestly. What is, for you, an opinion formed in a moment — or even over a few months of observation — is often something your pastors have wrestled with for years. The service order you’d tweak may reflect convictions about worship they have built through long study of Scripture. The ministry idea you’re proposing may be something the elders evaluated three times before you joined the church. The counsel you’re offering may be counsel they have heard, researched, prayed over, and answered a dozen times across their years of ministry. That doesn’t make your input worthless; it makes it one input among many, received by men whose calling requires them to think about these things constantly.
Second, remember whose responsibility the decision is. In matters that don’t belong to the congregation, God has assigned oversight of the church to its pastors. They are the ones who “keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account” (Heb 13:17). The Holy Spirit made them overseers “to shepherd the church of God” (Acts 20:28). When your pastors weigh your counsel and decide differently than you would have, they aren’t dismissing you — they’re doing the very job God gave them and will judge them for. The biblically-ordered response is not resentment but trust, submitting “so that they will do this with joy and not with groaning, for this would be unprofitable for you” (Heb 13:17).
Third — and this may be the most counterintuitive point — you should not want pastors who adjust easily. A pastor who changes his mind every time a persuasive member shares an opinion is not humble; he is unstable. Frequent reversals under congregational pressure usually reveal not teachability but the fear of man, and “trembling before man brings a snare” (Prov 29:25). Paul understood that a man cannot be both a people-pleaser and a servant of Christ (Gal 1:10). A pastor whose convictions hold steady under the steady drip of opinions is often displaying exactly the backbone the office requires. Stability is not stubbornness. It’s what you should hope for in the men who keep watch over your soul.
Pastors, listen like shepherds
None of this lets pastors off the hook. Brothers, the fact that we’ve heard an opinion a hundred times does not excuse us from hearing it the hundred and first time with genuine attention. “He who responds with a word before he hears, it is folly and shame to him” (Prov 18:13). We must be “quick to hear, slow to speak” (Jas 1:19) — and that posture matters for at least three reasons.
We listen because we love our people. Shepherding is not merely deciding for the flock; it is knowing the flock. When a member shares a concern, they are entrusting us with something, and dismissiveness — even polite, distracted dismissiveness — wounds the relationship God calls us to steward. We are to shepherd “willingly” and “with eagerness,” not as a burden endured (1 Pet 5:2).
We listen because we might be persuaded. Every pastor who has served any length of time can recall a moment when a member framed an old question in a way he had never considered, and he changed his mind. Long study does not make us infallible; it makes us responsible. The moment we become unpersuadable, we’ve stopped being convictional and started being proud.
We listen because it shows us where to disciple. Sometimes a member’s suggestion reveals not a problem with the church but a gap in the member’s understanding — about worship, about the nature of the church, about what Scripture actually says on a matter. That’s not an annoyance to manage; it’s a shepherding opportunity handed to us. What begins as a conversation about the service order may grow into a conversation about what Scripture says belongs in worship. Listening well is often the front door to teaching well.
A necessary caveat
Everything above concerns matters of wisdom, philosophy of ministry, and lower-tier judgment calls — the things about which faithful Christians can disagree. None of it applies when pastors are acting in clear conflict with Scripture. In that case, a member’s obligation is not to defer but to appeal to the Word, and the church has biblical means of addressing it. And in churches where certain matters properly belong to the congregation, those matters belong to the congregation.
But in the vast territory of ordinary church life, here is the shape of health: members who speak freely and hold their opinions loosely, and pastors who listen genuinely and hold their convictions firmly.
A member who shares counsel without demanding compliance is displaying humility. A pastor who receives counsel without surrendering conviction is displaying courage. A church that has both is displaying Christ.
Originally published at G3 Ministries.
Laramie Minga serves as Director of Operations for G3 Ministries and as Director of G3’s Expository Preaching Workshops and Biblical Worship Workshops. He also serves as Pastor of Worship and Discipleship at Ramah Baptist Church in Palmetto, Georgia.