Turd On San Francisco Sidewalk Now Polling Second In California Governor’s Race
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — With less than six months to go before residents vote to elect the state’s next leader, the latest polls showed that a turd on a San…
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — With less than six months to go before residents vote to elect the state’s next leader, the latest polls showed that a turd on a San…
SOUTH CARIBBEAN — A couple trapped on a hantavirus-infected cruise ship reportedly have declined to be rescued by a nearby Carnival cruise, saying they’d rather take their chances with hantavirus…
MONTEREY PARK, CA — A heated debate between the candidates for governor of California descended into mayhem last night after Katie Porter dumped an entire pot of scalding mashed potatoes…
SANTA POCO, MEXICO — As the world prepares to consume record amounts of guacamole and lime-flavored malt beverages, historians are once again bracing for the annual wave of ignorance surrounding…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a landmark decision to compensate for what was described as “mistreatment” he suffered in jail, would-be assassin Cole Allen was granted one more chance to try…
U.S. — Members of the Democratic Party from across the nation issued a statement clarifying that everyone is an evil Nazi except that one guy running for Senate in Maine…
President Donald Trump announced this week that he was reinstating the Presidential Fitness Test to evaluate the physical health of America’s public school students.
EAST OF EDEN — After discovering the horrific murder of their son Abel, Adam and Eve sat down to compile a comprehensive list of possible suspects.
SPRINGFIELD, IL — Local parents Mark and Jenna Wilkins spent the day eagerly waiting to find out what grade they received on their daughter Addison’s third-grade science project.
Jerry Jabba Jr., jockey for the Kentucky Derby winner, has declined an invitation to the White House, saying, “If I wanted to see a horse’s ass, I would’ve come in…