Friday, March 14, 2025

The couple, 26-year-old advertising copywriter Peter Kafka and his live-in companion, graphic-design…

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The couple, 26-year-old advertising copywriter Peter Kafka and his live-in companion, graphic-design specialist Rachel Brown, have reportedly been banging away ever since moving into the three-story brownstone last May. Both are said to be relatively quiet and conservative in outward appearance, qualities that belie their insatiable animal appetites and tremendous capacity for vigorous sexual exertion.

Said a bleary-eyed Schuman: “They seem like a nice enough couple, and they always say hello when I run into them in the building’s front lobby. But right now, I just need to get some rest. It seems like every night, just as I finally start to drift off to sleep, the gasping and pounding kicks in again. They start out gently, emitting little gasps of pleasure, and then gradually increase the intensity and tempo, eventually building up to full-strength shouts of ’Give me what I need!’ and what have you.”

“Those two are a couple of real troopers, I’ll give them that much,” Schuman said. “They take care of business. Once they get started, they don’t let up.”

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