St. Paul, MN – Fresh off MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell’s announcement that he will seek the Republican nomination to challenge him in the 2026 gubernatorial race, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz unveiled his latest entrepreneurial venture: MyTampon, a premium menstrual product line positioned as a direct counterpunch to Lindell’s pillow empire.
“Mike wants to put Minnesota to sleep with his conspiracy theories and late-night infomercials,” Walz said at a press conference surrounded by neatly stacked boxes of tampons in understated Nordic-blue packaging. “I’m here to wake people up—and provide reliable protection during the heavy flows of political nonsense.”
The timing of the launch, just days after Lindell’s December 11 declaration from his Shakopee factory floor, has fueled speculation that MyTampon is Walz’s unconventional way to remind voters of the stakes in the upcoming election. Lindell, a vocal Trump ally known for promoting debunked 2020 election claims, has vowed to combat “rampant fraud” under Walz’s administration while running the state like a business.
Walz, seeking an unprecedented third term, dismissed the challenge with characteristic Midwestern understatement. “If Mike thinks he can pillow-fight his way into the governor’s mansion, he’s in for a real leak,” the governor quipped. “MyTampon is about absorbency you can count on—unlike certain election theories.”
Key features of the MyTampon lineup include:
- The Fraud-Proof Ultra – Engineered to handle even the most overwhelming surges of misinformation.
- The One Minnesota Organic – Sustainably sourced, with a subtle pine scent to evoke the North Woods.
- The Coach’s Compact – Discreet and dependable for those long days on the campaign trail or coaching the linebackers.
Political analysts describe the move as classic Walz: folksy, progressive, and subtly aggressive. “Lindell is selling dreams wrapped in Giza cotton,” said one DFL insider. “Walz is selling reality—because sometimes life just flows, and you need something that won’t let you down.”
Lindell, when asked for comment during a tour of his new campaign bus, called MyTampon “another socialist giveaway disguised as commerce.” “Real Minnesotans want pillows for their heads, not government-mandated protection,” he declared. “This is just Tim trying to pad his resume.”
Early polls suggest the tampon-pillow rivalry could dominate the 2026 race, with voters forced to decide between restful nights and leak-free days. MyTampon will debut exclusively at Minnesota co-ops and Target stores, complete with a promotional slogan: “When the flow gets tough, the tough get absorbent.”
As Walz wrapped up the event: “Mike challenged me. Now I’m challenging him—right where it counts.”
About Author
Jeremy Spoken
None of the snowflakes in an avalanche feels responsible.
