In an effort to maintain stringent industry standards, salad suppliers nationwide pledged Monday to continue including just enough greens in bagged salad so that some will go bad if you’re single. “Whether it’s our 50/50 Mix or a simple chopped romaine, single customers can rest assured that they will always be left with a slimy, inedible clump of brown leaves at the bottom of the bag that wouldn’t be there if someone else were in their lives,” said Fresh Express CEO Marc Driver, adding that salad producers were united in ensuring that the refrigerators of partnerless consumers always contained a folded-over bag of soggy, spoiled vegetable matter that forces them to contemplate the possibility they’ll be alone forever.
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