NEW YORK, NY — MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred, reportedly infuriated by news of ball players defiling their pride hats with Bible verses, has ordered anyone who refuses to bow to…
IRAN — In a sign of total and absolute victory, President Trump announced that he had secured the reopening of the vital Strait of Hormuz, which was open before the…
CHICAGO, IL — In a bid to capture vintage nostalgia, McDonald’s has announced the return of its true, original-recipe apple pies. The company confirmed the legendary dessert will once again…
WORLD — Citizens across the globe breathed a collective sigh of relief after learning that the government of Iran has promised to be good from here on out as part…
Vacation Bible School season is upon us once again, and you may have noticed that every denomination has its own special twist on how to engage elementary-age kiddos. The Babylon…
EVIAN, FRANCE — Years after wandering away from a G7 summit, a confused former President Joe Biden was seen wandering back into the G7 meeting in France this week. A…
US—Area father of two Brian Thompson announced Tuesday that he has reached a comprehensive agreement with international negotiators to suspend all work on nuclear weapons in his garage in exchange…
When I first booted up The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, I thought I was gonna be in for a magical experience. The opening title card is fantastical and…
In these trying times of late-stage capitalism and rising seas, we are once again reminded that Donald Trump’s foreign policy isn’t about strategy, strength, or even basic geography. It’s about…
Pyongyang — The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea has extended a formal offer of asylum to British citizens seeking to escape what it described as the “oppressive neoliberal dictatorship” of…