MADRID — Spain’s newly appointed Border Czar, Kamalita “Kamalito” Harrisquez, on Thursday firmly rejected claims that the country is being overrun by illegal immigration, insisting the border remains fully secure despite mounting evidence to the contrary.
Speaking to reporters outside a government building she described as “somewhere important,” Harrisquez delivered what aides later called a “clarifying” statement.
“I haven’t been to the border,” she said, “but I haven’t been to Europe, either.” She then emitted a brief, high-pitched cackle that several journalists later described as “spine-chilling” and “unexpectedly prolonged.”
The room fell silent. A Spanish reporter eventually raised a hand and noted, with visible caution, that Spain is located in Europe.
Harrisquez nodded solemnly. “Yes,” she replied, “but be not unburdened by what has been.”
The press corps erupted. Several journalists applauded. Others wept openly. One veteran correspondent from El País was overheard murmuring, “She’s operating on a different plane.” Another simply whispered, “Profound.”
When pressed for data on crossings, detentions, or the current status of the Ceuta and Melilla fences, Harrisquez declined to engage with “the old metrics.” She instead urged the nation to “embrace the unburdening” and move forward “with the joy of knowing the border is secure because we have said it is.”
Government sources confirmed that Harrisquez has not yet visited any actual border facilities, citing a busy schedule of “visionary listening sessions” and the logistical challenge of locating Europe on a map that keeps changing.
As of press time, the border remained exactly as secure as the Border Czar has declared it.
Visited 27 times, 27 visit(s) today
About Author
