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It’s become a running joke that millennials are obsessed with minimalism to the point of living in empty, sad gray-walled homes with white kitchens and zero personality. What started as a noble cause — the rejection of overconsumption, the adoption of thoughtful purchasing — has swung way too far in the other direction.
Millennials throw everything away. And now, they’re taking away the joy of kids getting birthday gifts? Say it ain’t so!
Look, on a surface level, I understand the temptation to advocate for “no gifts, please” birthday parties for small children. Kids have enough toys. Your house is way too small, and they don’t appreciate the shiny new plaything for more than two seconds. And honestly, some of the reasoning behind the movement is legitimate.
The economic argument deserves consideration: When every guest feels obligated to show up with a present, it creates real financial pressure — gifts, annoyingly overpriced cards, and wrapping paper can easily run $30 or more per party, and kids sometimes attend dozens of parties a year. Removing that expectation means every family can attend without stress. That’s obviously a bonus.
But here’s what the no-gifts movement keeps missing: We are looking at all of this from an adult perspective, not a kid’s perspective. And for kids, there is nothing more magical than receiving a present. The research backs this up. One study involving children ages 3–17 found that young children derive significantly more happiness from material gifts than from experiences.
That zoo membership, that donation in your honor, that educational subscription box — those are adult satisfactions dressed up as children’s gifts. Children haven’t yet developed the cognitive framework to derive lasting joy from something they can’t see or hold. The toy is real. The memory of the experience fades fast.
And the joy flows both ways. Choosing a gift for a friend builds genuine empathy; a child has to imagine what would make someone else happy, not just themselves. Research confirms that giving activates real neurological benefits, and the brain may enjoy giving even more than receiving. That small friend who spent an afternoon at Target picking out the perfect present is getting something out of this tradition, too.
It’s hard to remember what it felt like on Christmas morning. But if you think back, it probably felt amazing. Piles of presents, mountains of wrapping paper, nary a “zoo membership” or “educational subscription service” in sight. I got a whole bunch of stuff when I was a kid, and you know what? It was great.
Now with five kids and a 1,400 square-foot ranch home, I definitely feel the pull to reduce the number of things that inevitably accumulate on every available surface. But I would argue that doing so at the expense of birthday presents, which only come around once a year, is a huge mistake.
Birthdays are special occasions. At any birthday party I’ve been to where presents still get opened in front of everyone, it’s always a highlight of the festivities. All the kids gather around the birthday girl (“Back up! Everyone, move back a little, I can’t see!”) and watch in delight as she tears through the gifts. When she gets to the present my child brought, the small attendee beams with pride, especially when it’s received with a delighted smile or a hug. That moment should never be taken away.
I’m not saying we should rent storage units to accommodate all the clutter, and I’m not dismissing the concerns that started this movement. If budget is a worry for your guests, consider a “bring a favorite book” policy, new or used, which keeps the joy of giving alive without the financial pressure. Or, create a wish list including non-expensive items and send out the link. That’s a genuine solution to a genuine problem. But scrapping the tradition entirely, in the name of values the child doesn’t yet hold and wouldn’t choose for himself or herself, is a step too far.
In my house, my kids never get gifts outside of birthdays and Christmas. No little treat on a random Target run. Want something your friend just got? Put it on your birthday list. Then, when the party is over, I tuck those gifts away and dole them out individually every time someone says “I’m bored.” Nothing is wasted, and everything is appreciated. The magic is in the ritual, not the present pile.
Practically speaking, experiences make better gifts, but only when you’re older. As a millennial, I would much rather receive an experience than an item, but I’m not a child. Projecting my preferences onto my kids would be a mistake, and the research confirms it.
These kids are growing up too fast already. Your overstuffed toy shelves will be neglected in no time. Your sweet little child asking for Barbies and baby strollers will soon replace those requests with iPhones and pimple patches. Soon, you’ll be wishing she still wanted toys.
I like to think of this as my clutter season. It will be brief, it will be busy, and it will be beautiful. So please: Bring them all the birthday gifts. Clutter my house. Delight my mama heart. The magic won’t last forever.
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The views expressed in this piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.
