Raising his hands before him as his eyes turned ominously white, the referee of the Steelers–Dolphins game was heard to let out a blood-curdling cackle Monday before declaring the penalty for defensive pass interference would be “no fewer than 10,000 years of winter.” “Hear me, mortals, and know that for the grave transgression of hindering the receiver in violation of the laws of football, the defender who wears number five has incurred a terrible judgment that shall afflict the earth for many ages!” the official said in response to an infraction by Steelers cornerback Jalen Ramsey, his thunderous voice causing fans to clutch their ears in agony, birds to fall dead from the sky, and frost to begin forming on all visible surfaces.
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