The All Non-White X-Files is Coming

Like ice hockey and white wine, the X-Files was just too white. Its leads were white which really meant that it was a white supremacist series. Fortunately it’s now being rebooted with non-white leaders for a series no one will watch because they’re a bunch of racists. At least that’s what we’ll be hearing later this year, I assume.

With an Indian male lead and a black female lead, Disney’s Hulu continues its proud track record of woke pandering which generally leads to failure. Still considering that the original series (which was too white) went for around 200 seasons longer than anyone wanted it to and led to two movies, which no one asked for, and yet failed to explain its plot as being anything except the results of a crack cocaine binge (cocaine is also too white), no one was asking for this anyway.

‘Wokewashing’, in which movies and TV shows racially recast characters, do it because it makes tired old IPs (intellectual properties, the core of Hollywood’s contemporary business) seem fresh. And it provides a preemptive excuse for failure. The property doesn’t fail, the viewers are too racist. Handing the X-Files to Ryan Coogler and a minority cast is a useful safety net. If they succeed, good, but if they fail, the people involved will blame racism instead of their own bad choices, lack of talent and ghoulish desire to revive a dead property.

Nothing mysterious about that. But at least this one will be easy to wrap up. The real conspiracy is white people.